420 ftw
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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