You just made me feel so damn special
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
