She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
