Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
