I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
