Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
