I wish I could teleport
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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