If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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