If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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