I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have aggressive nipples.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
