Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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