And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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