this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize