its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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