i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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