Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
