Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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