I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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