how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
