You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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