So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
