We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
