i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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