the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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