I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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