Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
