I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
