Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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