I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
