The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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