Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
