Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
