As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
