this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
