Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
