Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Are we still banned from the library?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
