i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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