I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
