best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
