wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
