I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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