My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize