i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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