ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
