she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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