WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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