i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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