I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
