just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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