In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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