Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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