I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
