Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
