Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
