I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
