This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
