He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's shark week go big or go home
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize