just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
