forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
they need to just BURY HIM!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
