break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
