Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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