woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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