the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
