I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
