Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
