I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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