my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She's the barista slut.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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