dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
