I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
