you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
