I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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