why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
