just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
