shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
