When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
