My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Come on in and take your pants off
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