Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
