I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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