When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
