Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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