jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
